Brown FlipFlops

I work here now so it's ok for me to find this amusing.




No lie about the starbucks.

2009

Year of the Earth Ox according to the Zodiac.

Happy new year disgruntled reader! You might notice the gaping uh...gap between posts. I started this blog with positive momentum and for several reasons (mainly ecological) I completely didn't follow through. Big surprise there right? I started to look back on this blog and the one I sorta kept up in Hawai'i and realized that I didn't want to completely discard them. So my solution is schizophrenia.

I started each of these blogs in a different state of mind. The first one being the all encompassing rant. The one that complained about the nonsense, shallowly reviewed movies that everyone else had seen already and eventually whined about women who didn't have the common sense to pick me back.

I guess that worked out fine for like 2 years but then I screwed it all up by moving back here to DC. Mainly to [single handedly] solidfy Obama's election (don't ask for the messy details) but also with the hopes of stable and gainful employment. As you can see, I'm 1 for 2, with a black president in office and an unemployed micronesian here in this basement.

Anyway I made this one when I first got here (do the math, that's how long I've been out of work) with the intention of maintaining a good sense of humor about all the garbage I used to whine about. The formula was simple:

Find the funny in everything then you can handle anything.

Too simple, as it turns out. When things stopped working out the way I wanted them to, the forumla backfired! I lost the funny and with it my ability to handle anything! So I just stopped writing. The whole point was to keep the situation from getting to me and instead I let it do exactly that. See? I'm just describing the circumstances and it's already starting to sound like a crybaby blog.

Don't worry faithful reader, not this time. The real problem is I'm nostalgic and don't want to just discard everything I've already written, so I've decided to keep and use them all at the same time.

Here's the schizo part...

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
...for the geeky. Kinda like G4 but actually not at all. This'll be the movie, TV, internet or comic art/artist review blog that no one will agree with and will somehow be used against me in a court of law. Hopefully keep the whiny rants to a relative minimum.

PUNCHLINES
...for the funneh. Positive funny things happen all the time. Sometimes to me, sometimes to others. This being the internet and all, I plan on stealing other peoples stories and exaggerating the shit out of them until I eventually get nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay or something of equal importance. No one will find this amusing either but what matters is Jesus loves me anyway.

And to complete the trilogy I give you my latest future mistake:

PURGATARIO
...for the news. Nothing substantial mind you, but this will be the BBC of the group. I think that means it's primarily boring (but accurate) reports of what's happening in my world but the truth is I don't watch or read enough of the BBC to quantify that statement at all. Seriously, I just wanted 3 because things sounds better in 3s so let's just play this one by ear right?


And there you have it. There are some obvious questions about this whole approach that I think I can address right off the bat:

Q: Why didn't you just do this in WordPress?
A: I'm slightly ashamed to admit this but I'm...HTML illiterate.

No really, even basic coding turns me into f-ing Zoolander (they're IN the computer?) so it pretty much has to be 10 times easier than the easiest thing on the regular internets for me to make it work.

Q: Why not just make one blog and divide it up into categories?
A: See above.

Q: Seriously, it's not that hard. A handicapped baby with keyboard could still...
A: See above and get off my lawn!

Q: What makes you think this approach will work any better than your last two failures?
A: I have no job so I got some time to make it work. Also who the hell are you to judge me?!

and now for the Daily Double!

A: All caffeine fueled sanity along with select body functions cease to operate at this nocturnal milestone.
Q: What is my bedtime, Alex?

I wagered nothing and won nothing. But you read this far so at least I've still got you right? Hello?

Good night and good luck internet.

See you in a few hours.

Weekend TV

Nothing particularly exciting about this weekend but somehow TV shows found their way into a lot of things.

Saturday I watched my first blu ray movie at Aisha's:
It was kinda like watching a movie in IMAX, after a while you just watch the movie and forget how freakin clear everything is. Unless I'm watching something like an anime movie or CSI: Miami where the colors are crazy vivid the luster of the experience takes a backseat to the story.

Sunday brought the season finale of Entourage:
This is probably one of my favorite shows to watch but I don't like admitting it since most guys who rave about this show are douches. To me, that particular public fanbase has created some perception that you have to be a shallow alcoholic fratperv to appreciate it...and that's just not true. Any kind of perv can relate to this show. And in all seriousness this has been the best season of the show since season 2. It'll be worth owning on DVD, assuming I have a job by then.

Just to let you know, I don't have HBO or even a TV of my own for that matter. Everything I watch is either on Hulu or through Sidereel because my little powerbook can't even handle the HD quality of many a network's flashsites.

Anyway, after Entourage somehow I came across the newest Futurama movie. I wasted money on buying the last 2 straight to DVD movies when I was in Hawaii. They were both pretty far cries from the awesomeness of the series but I heard the latest one was supposed to be a lot better. Of course, I heard the same thing about the last one so I opted to just watch it online instead of wasting another $20. Turns out this WAS the best of the the 3 so far and the only one really worth owning.

Bender's Game:
Not funny like a movie but funny like the show. I just wish the show was still on the air.

As a matter of fact, every show I've gotten into so far has resulted in more of a posthumous appreciation than an ongoing relationship.

Firefly


Futurama


Cowboy Bebop


And most recently,

Las Vegas (via TNT)


Cancelled. Cancelled. Cancelled. Cancelled.

My friends know this and they've told me to stop watching their shows for fear that they might be cancelled due to my attentions. But being jobless affords you all kinds of time so I dunno.
Yeah that's right. Just watch your back Fey.

The end of an Era

Today I bid a final farewell to my, now broken and still only, pair of Timberlands. The outsole has come unhindged, flapping about and I'm walking around like a clown. A sexy sexy clown.

They were a birthday present to me from my mother and the first day i wore them was on my birthday, April 27th, 2000. It also happened to be Mason Day at GMU and performing on stage in front of our little library was non other than RUN DMC. My new boots helped kick my way through guys twice my size and at least 5 times drunker than me to reach the front of the crowd, within spitting distance of the stage.

When it was over, there were so many scars, stains and scuffs on my new birthday boots that I didn't know whether to feel happy or sad. And as they have served me well everyday since, I'm again unsure whether to feel happy or sad.

In any case, both my spirits and my perceived height will drop without you and I'll literally have to watch my step now that I don't have your steel-toed support.

Goodbye Tims.

Putting the "ass" back in assistant

I LOL'd at the double entendre and then realized that it got sent back to me. Auto-denial by way of "Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently" burns just as much as it would hearing it from a woman.

Also, I really need a job. I should be making these horrible jokes in the workplace like a jackass and not on the internet like a loser.

It was a slow day.
Don't judge me =/

Quantum of So-So

It wasn't Casino Royale. It had some elements but it wasn't the big action blockbuster CR was. Even though I thought the women in this one were more attractive, the part that convinced me that this wouldn't measure up to its predecessor actually came early on in the film. Namely, the title sequence.

One of my favorite parts of the last bond movie was the opening credits with the incredible track from Chris Cornell.

This one had some cool work by MK12. But in combination with the Jack White & Alicia Keys piece, it didn't really pull together as memorably as the last one did.

When all was said and done, I left the theater thinking about only one thing really...
Yeah, that's right. I thought it was cool. Suck it purists.

Bend it like Buddha

Just finished watching the final season of Avatar online (you can do those kinds of things when you have no job).

I have to admit, it was actually pretty good. I started watching the show with my nephew because there's only one TV here and I guess it belongs to him. But for a nicktoon aimed at 9-14 yr olds, it's got some depth. I really dig the whole eastern elemental martial artistry and the miyazaki anime style storytelling is so clean that even if there were no story it'd be at least fun to watch.

But there WAS actually an epic and engrossing story. The writing was good and the characters were enjoyable. You have to give the series creators Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino credit. Who else would've imagined a group of kids with elemental powers setting out to save the world?

Hey wait a minute...

Buuuut then again...
I guess the moral here is:

It doesn't matter who you are or what your talents may be, you can change the world...

...as long as you're some variation of asian. Preferably Chinese.