Happy new year disgruntled reader! You might notice the gaping uh...gap between posts. I started this blog with positive momentum and for several reasons (mainly ecological) I completely didn't follow through. Big surprise there right? I started to look back on this blog and the one I sorta kept up in Hawai'i and realized that I didn't want to completely discard them. So my solution is schizophrenia.
I started each of these blogs in a different state of mind. The first one being the all encompassing rant. The one that complained about the nonsense, shallowly reviewed movies that everyone else had seen already and eventually whined about women who didn't have the common sense to pick me back.
I guess that worked out fine for like 2 years but then I screwed it all up by moving back here to DC. Mainly to [single handedly] solidfy Obama's election (don't ask for the messy details) but also with the hopes of stable and gainful employment. As you can see, I'm 1 for 2, with a black president in office and an unemployed micronesian here in this basement.
Anyway I made this one when I first got here (do the math, that's how long I've been out of work) with the intention of maintaining a good sense of humor about all the garbage I used to whine about. The formula was simple:
Find the funny in everything then you can handle anything.
Too simple, as it turns out. When things stopped working out the way I wanted them to, the forumla backfired! I lost the funny and with it my ability to handle anything! So I just stopped writing. The whole point was to keep the situation from getting to me and instead I let it do exactly that. See? I'm just describing the circumstances and it's already starting to sound like a crybaby blog.
Don't worry faithful reader, not this time. The real problem is I'm nostalgic and don't want to just discard everything I've already written, so I've decided to keep and use them all at the same time.
Here's the schizo part...
MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE
...for the geeky. Kinda like G4 but actually not at all. This'll be the movie, TV, internet or comic art/artist review blog that no one will agree with and will somehow be used against me in a court of law. Hopefully keep the whiny rants to a relative minimum.
PUNCHLINES
...for the funneh. Positive funny things happen all the time. Sometimes to me, sometimes to others. This being the internet and all, I plan on stealing other peoples stories and exaggerating the shit out of them until I eventually get nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay or something of equal importance. No one will find this amusing either but what matters is Jesus loves me anyway.
And to complete the trilogy I give you my latest future mistake:
PURGATARIO
...for the news. Nothing substantial mind you, but this will be the BBC of the group. I think that means it's primarily boring (but accurate) reports of what's happening in my world but the truth is I don't watch or read enough of the BBC to quantify that statement at all. Seriously, I just wanted 3 because things sounds better in 3s so let's just play this one by ear right?
And there you have it. There are some obvious questions about this whole approach that I think I can address right off the bat:
Q: Why didn't you just do this in WordPress?
A: I'm slightly ashamed to admit this but I'm...HTML illiterate.
No really, even basic coding turns me into f-ing Zoolander (they're IN the computer?) so it pretty much has to be 10 times easier than the easiest thing on the regular internets for me to make it work.
Q: Why not just make one blog and divide it up into categories?
A: See above.
Q: Seriously, it's not that hard. A handicapped baby with keyboard could still...
A: See above and get off my lawn!
Q: What makes you think this approach will work any better than your last two failures?
A: I have no job so I got some time to make it work. Also who the hell are you to judge me?!
and now for the Daily Double!
A: All caffeine fueled sanity along with select body functions cease to operate at this nocturnal milestone.
Q: What is my bedtime, Alex?
I wagered nothing and won nothing. But you read this far so at least I've still got you right? Hello?
Good night and good luck internet.
See you in a few hours.
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